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How fights Get Started...
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and
said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
"Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back
into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that
the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there
is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And then the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got
out of his car. You know how sometimes you
just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which
one are you?"
And then the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the
counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,
'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand
she took to drinking right after we split up those many
years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person
could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak,
medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and
said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
And then the fight started...
This post has been edited by tEaRdRoP: 14 April 2010 - 03:26 PM
